Adderall!!

Adderall…

Got your attention, huh? That means either you take it, you know someone that does, or you villainize it (i.e. they call it prescription meth).

I’m embarrassed to admit that I take a similar version, called Vyvanse. It’s pretty much like adderall, except it can’t be abused as badly. It must go into your stomach before the medication is released into your body. I take it as soon as I open my eyes I’m the morning.

Let me tell you what my life is like with this medication. I wake up in the morning, and will immediately have racing thoughts. For those that don’t know what it’s like to have racing thoughts, I’ll explain. Imagine driving a car without a steering wheel. You can’t control your thoughts. “Today won’t be good. I’m not good enough. I didn’t finish laundry. Remember when you fell in front of your whole class in elementary school? ‘Throw that ass in a circle, make it bounce! Make it bounce!’ How long does it take to freeze to death?” Random tasks you need to complete, self-criticism, embarrassing moments as far back as your childhood, song lyrics you haven’t heard in years, and random words like BACON. Some is hilarious, and some hurtful. All of these thoughts, just within 5 seconds. The first thought ain’t even completed before the next incoming thought starts.

It takes around an hour and a half before the thoughts begin to slow down. I start becoming able to sort the thoughts out, focus on my tasks, and most importantly I take a NAP! Yup. You read that right! I sleep! I’m finally relaxed enough to sleep.

My medication lasts into the evening before it begins wearing off. Before bed time, the racing thoughts are already back in full swing again. I lie awake, unable to stop thinking. I get extremely anxious. I have to get up so I can find something to occupy my mind. Watching stupid Facebook videos are usually my go-to activity. Whenever I finally fall asleep, my thought will wake me up every hour.

Now, does that sound like it’s meth? I’ve never heard of someone using meth to sleep. Yes, if you DON’T have a mental disorder then it WILL have the opposite effect! The people that abuse it have made it extremely hard for those of us that genuinely need it. It’s embarrassing to us. We don’t tell anyone that we take ADHD medication, fearing judgement . The world thinks we are addicts. Lord forbid if we need to seek medical attention from any doctor that isn’t our regular doctor. Chances are, they will treat you like you’re just trying to get pain pills/narcotics. No matter the amount of pain you’re actually in, they won’t give it to you.

Have you seen a child with ADHD/ADD? Most people like to call them “brats” or “bad kids.” You need to spend a day one on one with a diagnosed child. The child must trust you for you to truly see them for who they are. In front of them, place 3 coloring sheets, crayons, small toys, and a tv. Chances are they are going to play with a toy in one hand, go back and forth coloring a little at a time, squirm in their seat, swing their legs and watch tv at the same time.

Now, please observe that child in front of you. Get on their level and look deep into their eyes. Do you see it? The pain? The wheels spinning out of control? The utter sadness? Ask them why they can’t follow the rules. I bet they will say that they don’t know. Ask them why they think it’s ok? They will say their brain tells them to do it. Ask them if they like getting in trouble? They will say they really try to be good. They want to be good. That child even had their medication that day. Could you imagine them not having medication? Can you imagine seeing them not being able to control their body. Even their eyes can’t be still. Yes, they usually have behavioral issues. Let me tell you why. Some guardians and teachers are either not educated, or simply don’t have the patience to properly teach them how to cope.

To the people that must take it:

Don’t feel ashamed! Don’t let others call you a “drug head”. Instead of getting angry,3 try to stay calm and educate people on your problem. Most of all, be brave.

To the guardian of the children that suffer:

I am proud of you for seeking help for your child. I know you’re tired. I know you sometimes feel frustrated. I know you would do anything to make them better. Please research different approaches and helpful tips on helping your child cope. I want you to know that I see your struggle. I see you giving your all. I see your embarrassment in public. Tell strangers to mind their own damn business!! Stay hopeful and positive!

To the ones that villainize:

Please educate yourself. Please be patient with children. Don’t judge us. Don’t stare at us like we are trash. Keep your opinions to yourself.

Remember this, we could kill you- and plead insanity. ….