How to be a Band Wife 101

🥁🥁DRUM ROLL PLEASE! 🥁🥁

🎸Buckle up ladies! It’s a wild ride!🎸

🎤So, your man is a ROCKSTAR?🎤

🎶Let’s break this down for the new ones!🎶

What is the “band wife”? A “band wife” is someone whose husband is in a band. A band wife doesn’t have to necessarily be a wife. It could be a girlfriend, too. Actually it can be whoever the male brings to a show. Bottom line, if you come to a show with a male, you’re considered a band wife. Don’t take offense to that, just accept it and move on.

Being a band wife means you’re a lot of different things. You’re a supporter, critic, fan, groupie, roadie, drink-fetcher….. well, you’re everything. You have the power to influence the business owners on their decision whether or not to book the band again. There are people that you don’t even know that knows who you are. They are watching. Always remember that. Being a band wife is sometimes a hard pill to swallow for a lot of women. Music takes time. It takes time away from you and it also takes time away from your family. That’s perfectly OK, and that’s something you have to accept. I’ve been a band wife for nine years, and it’s definitely been a learning process. Throughout the years, I’ve failed alot of times. Lessons were learned, and now I’m sharing my lessons to you.

Let me give you a little bit of backstory. Nine years ago when I started dating Eric, he played at a bar called Oasis. I had yet to enter into a bar at that point. I had never listened to live music… EVER! The first time I went was definitely an experience. I was totally out of place. I knew nothing to do, and I couldn’t process the music at all. I couldn’t tell what instrument(s) was playing. Hell I couldn’t even tell you what songs that they were playing. I couldn’t hear the lyrics to the songs. It was just loud racket to me. The bar-goers were loud and drunk… very, very drunk. It took me about four months to finally get comfortable in this place. At that time, he played every Saturday night at this place. He wasn’t playing anywhere else except this one bar for the time-being. As I got more comfortable, I started molding into this crazy bar party atmosphere. I was blending in like everyone else. Eventually, I became their dance music DJ during the breaks. I have been puked on. I have been slid off of my stool by a drunk that had fallen over me, more than once, actually. I have walked in on numerous sexual activities while they were happening in bathrooms, cars, around behind the building, hell, even in front of the building! I thought that this is how the band life was. I thought that this is how the bar scene was. I thought that this was normal. I thought that this is what musicians and their wives go through all the time. It wasn’t l until maybe a year later that I found out that this bar wasn’t your typical bar. This bar, on a scale of 1 to 10, on the bad to good scale, this one is a -100 and that’s even giving it more credit than it deserves. See, this bar is one of those bars you see in movies. Where the entire bar erupts into a brawl; barstools flying, people screaming, and drinks going everywhere. Actually, I witnessed this first hand at Oasis. Everyone in the bar was fighting. Some of them were for no apparent reason. It started because one guy accidentally brushed up against a man’s wife’s arm. I saw my husband put a man in a sleeper hold because the man kept hitting a guy whom was unconscious and defenseless. Even at this point, I still thought this bar was totally normal. It was expected that there were to be at least two fights that would happen every night. This bar had more drugs circulating in it than the drug cartel has at any point in their life. So, you can say that when I got broken in to be a band wife, it was the hardest and most torturous way that you could ever imagine. So I later figured out that other bars were actually nice. There were nice people there. There were people that didn’t do drugs. There were environments that were very welcoming, and most of all, very clean! Lord knows that Oasis was not even close to being considered clean. I have totally seen people urinating on the dance floor, vomiting on the dance floor, and I’m pretty sure that there were other “bodily functions” that has been on that dance floor many times! The things I saw at this bar is unimaginable! I have seen more saggy boobies in this one bar than any sponge bath nurse at any given nursing home! So, I’m very grateful for any bar that he plays for these days.

I have met A LOT of band wives, and even more that I haven’t met because they stay home. I’ve heard soooo many musicians complain about their wives giving them hell about them and playing music. I don’t understand it at all!! Despite what you might think, it’s NOT all alcohol and females. It’s not a night out with the boys. It is their passion, their job. Have you seen the manual labor that it takes to set up and tear down the equipment at these shows?! It’s a lot of work!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THEIR BIGGEST FAN! Go to their show! Watch them get lost in the music. Embrace your music man.

🚨Troubleshooting:

–He gets home later than expected…

DON’T freak out on him!

DO ask questions as to why they are so late getting home. Chances are that there is a legitimate reason. Sometimes the business owners asks them to play for longer than previously agreed. Sometimes there is equipment malfunctioning. Sometimes it could be due to unruly customers.

–He’s buying more music equipment AGAIN!….

Don’t yell and tell him that he’s wasting money. That equipment will help him book more gigs for more money. The equipment will pay for itself.

-He’s come home drunk…..

Help him get settled into bed. Being a musician can be stressful. They have a lot of attention on them up there on stage. They can sometimes need or appreciate some alcohol to help them to relax, so they will “unleash” on stage. A lot of bar-goers will buy drinks for the band. It’s extremely rude for them not to drink their drinks. Remember, NO customers= NO money! Sometimes they take it too far by drinking a little too much. It’s ok (unless your pregnant and he’s vomiting on your bed, and you can’t stomach it. In that case, find every single ball/round object in the house and drill him in the head from the kitchen. Then put the carpet cleaner in front of the door and go get yourself lunch.).

-A random woman is liking or commenting on his social media about a gig…….

-*deep breath*- LOVE her comment! He needs fans! Fans are what puts money in his (actually your) pocket! Have you ever saw how much cash a “fan girl” will put in the tip jar for him to play Purple Rain? Now with this I have boundaries… I will accept woman commenting/liking social media stuff. I’ll handle women talking to them between sets to sell merchandise, or to tell them about the next gig. I will even be entertained by watching them give my man their best flirting game. I’ll laugh my ass off at the woman that just flashed her boobs at him from the dance floor. I won’t, however, be disrespected by him. This is where it gets touchy. You both need to have a serious conversation about boundaries and expectations for when it comes to behavior at the gig(s). Eric and I are very trusting. He knows when the women are pushing it too far, and he will put a stop to it. If he’s ever in a situation where he’s having to deal with a woman, he’s always cutting his eyes over at me because he knows I’m laughing like a mad man!

-Your tired and you don’t want to go with him….

Get you a shower. Sit down and take your time with your hair and makeup. Dress differently than you do in your everyday life. No one at these places knows how you truly are. You can be WHATEVER you want to be. Doing this actually benefits your relationship. It’s refreshing to do something new with your look. It’s a total confidence booster too! Date nights are hard to get when you’re with a musician. These shows can be a date night if you don’t have unreasonably high expectations! Y’all are usually alone when riding to and from the show(s). Soak in that time… TALK!

–The show is long and you are bored out of your mind…..

Get yourself a drink and relax! It’s gonna be a loooong night! Set your phone down and actually watch the show. You will catch funny moments between the band members that others might not notice. Watch the crowd! This is by far my favorite! The drunker the crowd, the better!!!! Watch how they interact with others. It’s fun guessing who they are going to hit on next. DANCE! Yessss get up and dance! Your butt is gonna go numb in those bar stools! Learn line dances. Let loose! He will enjoy seeing you having a good time! PLAY POOL!!

–You’re hungry!…..

MAKE SURE THE PLACE SELLS FOOD! If not, then be prepared! Eat before you go, and maybe get some chips or something for snacking on during the show. You’re there for a very long time and getting hungry sucks!

-He’s not paying any attention to you…..

He’s going home with you! He doesn’t have to be shoved up your tail the entire night! No business owner wants to see their hired entertainment being all over their wife the entire night. Let him mingle and do his JOB during a gig!

-ITS SOOO LOUD!…..

Don’t sit directly in front of the speakers! After a couple hours, your head will be killing you!

-The show is over and it feels like they are taking forever to pack and load up!!….

Get up there and help!! BUT ASK HOW TO DO IT BEFORE YOU JUST START SLINGING STUFF INTO BAGS! Seriously, get them to teach you how to pack up their stuff. (I had to learn the hard way when Eric got so drunk he couldn’t do it himself.) It’s actually a pretty cool technique behind packing the stuff. I really enjoy rolling cables. Helping the band “tear down” gets you involved and motivates them to put a pep in their step.

-He sleeps all day on Sunday!….

Let that man rest! He was up all night making money. Make him breakfast and playfully get him awake. Just being understanding is enough to get them motivated.

🚨DO NOT DO THESE FOLLOWINGS THINGS!!!!🚨

🎵 DO NOT BE LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS AT HIS SHOWS!

🎵DO NOT EVER CAUSE A FIGHT!

🎵DO NOT EVER CAUSE A SCENE!

🎵DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU ARE BETTER THAN 🎵EVERYONE ELSE!

🎵DO NOT BE RUDE TO THE STAFF!

🎵DO NOT DEMAND SPECIAL ATTENTION JUST 🎵BECAUSE YOU’RE WITH THE BAND!

🎵DO NOT START DRAMA BETWEEN THE BAND MEMBERS!

🎵NEVER SHIT TALK THEIR MUSIC!

🎵NEVER SHOW DISTASTE IN THEIR SONG CHOICES!

💞PASSIONATELY DO THE FOLLOWING:💞

🎼Smile at everyone.

🎼Tip your bartender/waitress.

🎼Make friends with everyone who sits at your table.

🎼 Get the band drinks/water as they need it.

🎼Get the crowd to dance. Sometimes it just takes one person to start dancing to convince others to get up and dance.

🎼Share the events on your social media profiles.

🎼Make nice with his fellow musicians (they are actually pretty cool dudes).

🎼Take videos.

🎼 Take pictures.

💯CLAP!!!! VERY IMPORTANT CLAP!!!!💯

Being with a musician is something to be proud of. So embrace it!! YOU ARE A BAND WIFE! BE PROUD OF THAT FACT! Everyone sees that man on stage. No one sees the work behind the scenes. No one sees his personal life. YOU get to take that man home! YOU see the hard work that he puts in. YOU are his personal life. LOVE YOUR MUSIC MAN!

🚨DISCLOSURE!!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!🚨

If for some reason y’all have a fight or breakup before a show, DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, show up to that show and ACT STUPID! Good grief ladies! I see it all too often! Ex-s come to the show and try to make the guy jealous by running around and acting crazy, dancing with anything with a penis…Being obnoxiously over-flirty…. STOP! YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF!

DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR NEW BAND WIVES?! Comment below and let us know!!